News: Sneaky Sony Deletes Reviews

Sony Working With Metacritic to Delete Reviews

Oh dear! Hideo Kojima’s otherworldly postal service themed walking simulator, AKA Death Stranding, could not have come cheap. Despite the fact that NPC media told their readers “Kojimamangood.exe”. Despite the fact that the galaxy brained nipple tweakers on Youtube said that communally dropping resources into other people’s games was a new kind of interactive art, or something. And despite The Game Awards showering the game in phoney awards and accolades. The game has nonetheless been fairly poorly received by rank and file pleb gamers. Who knew that the fanbase that Kojima accrued during his run on Metal Gear Solid actually just wanted to play fun action games instead of weird cerebral thought experiments. Granted, Kojima games have always been somewhat pretentious, but at least they still had a degree of accessibility to them. Say what you like about Konami, they have definitely taken on the role of the villain as of late, but their singular mercenary drive to make money was the one thing keeping Kojima’s games playable for all these years.

It’s a shit umbrella.
Fragile’s umbrella is like a metaphor for the entire game.

Sony just handed Kojima a big sack of money, and told him to go hog wild. This is the worst thing you could possibly do with Hideo Kojima. Kojima obliged by taking that money and making ‘A Hideo Kojima Game (TM)’. People were less than delighted with the result however, and Sony are less than delighted at the audience’s lack of delight. This week Sony leaned on Metacritic, causing the site to delete over 6000 user reviews, resulting in the number of negative user reviews to plummet from 9,335 to 2,906. This in turn caused the game’s user rating to skyrocket from 5.1 to 7.4. Sony obviously thought they were making art here, but the fact that they feel that this entitles them to a positive audience reception is fucking repugnant. People did not care for Death Stranding and attempted to voice their opinions on the product, only to have those voices silenced by Sony, who apparently feel entitled to determine their own audience reception. After sinking all that money into the development of Death Stranding, which is essentially the most expensive shitty Indy game ever made, Sony are no doubt very unhappy about the lack of a return on their investment, but that is not the responsibility of consumers. Consumers do not have a duty to enjoy Kojima’s intellectual cum stain. Metacritic now joins Rotten Tomatoes as a criticism aggregation platform that is no longer fit for purpose on account of their kowtowing to the corporate entities they are supposed to be judging. Shame on Metacritic, shame on Kojima, and fuck Sony!

Crystal Chronicles Has Been Put into Stasis

This author certainly hopes that you were not holding your breath to play Crystal Chronicles online with your friends in the new year. According to Square Enix they suddenly realised that this very straightforward HD port suddenly needed and extra seven months of development time, and is now set to release Summer of 2020:

Today we’re announcing that the release date for the game is being moved to Summer 2020. We’ve made the decision to adjust the release date to allow the development team some extra time to make final adjustments to the game to make this the best experience possible.

No one believes that this had to be delayed by six months tho...
Welp… at least we will have a palate cleanser for Final Fantasy VII Remake.

It is possible that the wild incompetence of Square Enix has legit caused Crystal Chronicles to be pushed back by seven months, but far more likely is the possibility that Square Enix is just moving the release date in order to avoid some of the bigger releases in the first half of 2020. It is kind of understandable that would get cold feet launching this alongside bigger titles like Final Fantasy VII Remake and Trials of Mana, but at the same time as a multiplayer RPG this is not really the same thing as those titles. It feels like Crystal Chronicles probably could have held its own by virtue of the different market niche it serves, but perhaps not.

Bravely Default II Announced

This week the sequel to Bravely Default was announced for Nintendo Switch. No, one is not talking about Bravely Second: End Layer, which apparently does not exist anymore. Bravely Second was obviously intended to be the sequel at the time of release, but somewhere along the way Square Enix appears to have decided that they want a do-over, which is why they this week announced Bravely Default II for release in 2020. Why not just call it Bravely Default III?

Who knew?
So apparently Bravely Second wasn’t actually the sequel…

An original RPG experience is coming to Nintendo Switch in 2020 from the team that brought you the Bravely series and Octopath Traveler, and featuring music from Revo, acclaimed composer of the original Bravely Default soundtrack. A new world, a new story and all-new Heroes of Light await!

The game’s art certainly harkens back to the previous 3DS releases, albeit with the much higher visual fidelity that comes with being on a console – or at least a handheld with pretensions to being a console. One has mixed feelings about this announcement. On the one hand this looks like a decent game worth owning, but on the other hand this is the Octopath Traveller team, and one really wanted for them to do something else with the Octopath engine for their next project. The Octopath Traveller visuals were the perfect mix of 16bit nostalgia coupled with cutting edge 3D visuals and superb art direction. One wished that this team would take the strengths they were able to achieve in Octopath Traveller, and then bolster that with a more cohesive story. This could have come in the form of an Octopath sequel, or possibly even a *gasp* Final Fantasy VI remake. But it does not appear that this can happen for the time being.


  1. “This week Sony leaned on Metacritic, causing the site to delete over 6000 user reviews, causing the number of negative user reviews to plummet from 9,335 to 2,906.”

    I hope this news gets out and results in FAR MORE negative reviews.

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