Download Link: Released 2017.09.04
In a Labour Day holiday podcast, Caspius and Adeki sit down to reflect upon the first experiences with Final Fantasy VII following its launch on the Sony Playstation, two decades ago, on 7 September, 1997, before Caspius recites the Banjo-Kazooie poem.
The text of the poem follows below in full.
The poem is the result of a reward in the Caspius.com Summer Donation Drive 2017.
Corrine was the winner, and this poem is the result of playing her chosen game, Banjo-Kazooie.
For more details, view the original contest page.
* * * * * * *
My Banjo-Kazooie Experience
A Poem for Corrine
You made me play this piece of shit
And of course you knew that it
Would fill me quite with rage.
But what I did not know was that
You’d seek instead me to distract
From finishing a stage.
So when you insisted I should do
Things impossible, at once I grew
More than a little cross.
And when I asked you to desist,
You did not obey, but did persist,
And suffered quite a loss.
I banned you from the chat direct,
Though knowing you should soon object
I found I did not care.
For once you left, I in this game
Proceeded far and overcame
Each challenge I found there.
The music was quite bad, it’s true
With sound effects taped at the zoo,
And turned into a Rap.
As for the graphics, let’s not halt
At low-grade textures, camera fault,
And lots of other crap.
There was no plot I could divine,
But honestly, for me, that’s fine,
It matters very little.
No script written could possibly
Salvage that monstrous catastrophe
So threadbare and so brittle.
Yet I learn that they have made
(Despite the force of this tirade)
A new HD remaster.
This shall I to you for Christmas send
(Please do not fold, spindle, or bend)
Priority mail, or faster.
May it give your holiday
As much as it gave me that day
When I reached the final goal.
By which I mean, I hope that its
Receipt causes fam’ly-wide shits
And lack of toilet roll.
And a very sore butt-hole!