News: Sloppy Seconds

Such beauty will likely be squandered on a faux Tales game.
His new game features some beautiful concept art by Toshiyuki Itahana, the guy who designed Final Fantasy IX’s characters.

Tales of Baba

In a piece of news that seems to have caught much of the gaming community off guard, it would seem that Hideo Baba has been let go from his long standing position as producer of Namco Bandai’s Tales of JRPG series. One says let go, but then one is never truly fired from Japanese companies; rather he was likely sat in a darkened room in the basement and instructed to fold pieces of paper until he left of his own accord. More to the point, he was probably sat down in a darkened room and instructed to personally respond to fan complaints about Tales of Zestiria – the game which almost certainly cost him his position as producer.

Tales of Zestiria was a terrible game with horrible pacing, so it is not hard to see why he was let go. On top of this the game gave rise to the Alisha controversy, and claims that Baba had thrown the script out two years into a three year development cycle on account of the fact that he had become besotted with the voice actress for another of the game’s female characters. There is no definitive proof that this was the case, but circumstantial evidence makes it seem more than plausible.

At any rate Baba appears to have landed on his feet, as Square Enix are in the process of building a brand new action RPG studio for him to continue churning out faux Tales of games. irrespective of Zestiria‘s woes people might still consider Baba to be a good get for Square Enix, but consider that despite serving as producer on the vast majority of Tales of titles, he has still managed to avoid being producer on what are regarded to be the three best games in the series: Tales of Vesperia, Tales of Symphonia, and Tales of the Abyss. Consider further that Hideo Baba has served as producer on such Namco gems as Eternal Sonata and Death by Degrees. It is great that Square Enix are setting up new external RPG development studios, but one cannot help but think that they would have been better served by going with new blood like with Tokyo RPG Factory instead of proven failures such as Hideo Baba. At least the man has experience in meeting deadlines and shipping products, which is more than Square Enix proper can really say, so that presumably counts for something…

Long may the anal rapage continue!
How do you like them apples, Cuckerberg?

Oculus Rift Is Proper Fucked

As readers might remember, last month Facebook, as owner of Oculus Rift, was ordered by a court to pay a King’s ransom in damages to Zenimax for their theft of intellectual property and disregard for NDA agreements, as they pertained to John Carmack. This month things get even better, as Zenimax are doing just what one hoped they would, by seeking an injunction against the sale of any product containing their VR code. This not only includes system software for Oculus PC and mobile hardware, but also software including Unreal Engine 4, Unity, and pretty much any piece of game software which supports Oculus Rift. Zenimax’s rationale for pushing for the injunction is that the damages awarded are so minimal in relation to Facebook’s revenue that they do not in themselves represent sufficient disincentive to prevent Facebook/Oculus from further infringement of Zenimax’s intellectual property:

The jury’s damage award here, however substantial, is an insufficient incentive for Defendants to cease infringing. Just minutes after the jury revealed its verdict, Facebook’s COO, Sheryl Sandberg, publicly stated that the jury’s verdict of a half billion dollars was ‘not material to [Facebook’s] financials.

Honestly, Zenimax have a fairly decent point here, as Facebook already spent a couple of billion dollars buying up Oculus in order to sidestep the onerous process of developing their own VR software, and so what is a couple of billion more? The delicious part of this whole thing is that a ruling in favour of Zenimax would force developers of VR games and software to remove all Oculus support from their products, effectively killing a large chunk of the VR market. Imagine spending $800+ on a pair of these retard goggles!

Come at me faggots!
The N64 was absolute trash, and the Switch looks to be even worse.

Nintendrone Fanbabies Are Just as Awful in Japan

Nier: Automata does not release in the States until March 7, yet it is already available in Japan – and there it has attracted some heat from Nintendo fanbabies. How could this be? Why do so many Nintendo fanbabies have their panties in a bunch about a Playstation exclusive? It surely must be something significant to transcend console boundaries, right? Not so much.

Nier: Automata allows players to play a fishing mini game, in which players are able to fish for items along with pieces of junk and detritus. One of the pieces of trash that players can fish out of the water is titled NIN64, and is described as “trash that was fished up. Can be exchanged at the shop“. This alone has provoked Japan’s fanbabies into such a hysterical rage that they are forcing Square Enix and Platinum to alter the game to compensate for the fact that they cannot regulate their fanbaby emotions. The game’s producer Yosuke Saito has already promised that the game will be patched in order to “change the name of an item you’ve all pointed out“. With any luck the team decides to rename this piece of garbage to ‘Nintendo Switch’ in the forthcoming update, since Nintendo’s newest piece of hardware looks to land directly on the trashpile after launch.

Here is the thing, the Nier: Automata team likely intended no slight against Nintendo, as any contemporary console would be little more than trash within the setting of the game, which takes place 10,000 years in the future. That being said, the N64 absolutely was trash in its own time. The controller was stupid and horrible, while the visuals looked like blurry arse, and the limitations inherent to the cartridge format meant that only dumb games for babies could be made for the N64. This is why the PS1 anally wrecked the N64 by a margin of greater than 3 to 1.Facts are facts, and Nintendo fanbabies can just suck it.


  1. I dunno; I might actually be interested in a *Tales* game if it was *Tales of Baba Yaga*. Slavic folklore is awesome.

    That said, who is responsible for *Tales of Berseria*?

  2. Yoshimasa Tanaka, the director, has a bunch of credits for programming, with his biggest prior role being for lead designer on Tales of Xillia.

    Yasuhiro Fukaya, the producer, is mostly credited for QA testing, with his only other non-QA credit being for assistant producer on Tales of Zestiria.

    Looks like the underlings were running the show with Berseria, and I’ve been hearing good things about it, so it sounds like Namco Bandai’s decision to pass the torch on to less seasoned employees was a good move.

    Tales Studio always seems to have at least two development teams working on the series at any one given time though, so it is possible that they decided to give younger staff a shot with Baba’s former team on Berseria, while putting more seasoned staff to work on whatever comes next.

  3. I’m about 10-12 hours into Berseria, just after the first few introductory chapters. It feels button-mashy, but not good button-mashy like a Musou game. Maybe I need to devote more time to it, but FFXIV is so good right now I can’t bring myself to play anything else. Squeenix needs to give Yoshi P and Koji Fox a raise.

  4. The last Tales game I played was… Abyss, maybe? I forget. Anyway, I at least found the story somewhat interesting. The story in Berseria leaves a lot to be desired. It’s better than FFXV, but the ingredients on the back of Cup Noodle are superior to that.

  5. The story in Berseria leaves a lot to be desired

    That’s kind of funny since the reason that most Tales fans are praising Berseria is that its story is such a marked improvement over Zestiria – which should put Zesteria into perspective for you.

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