The Starlight Megaphone is pleased(?) to present Springtime for Spira: A Final Fantasy X playthrough.
When Final Fantasy X was released on the PlayStation 2, angels wept. Satan, seated on his throne of pain, cracked his knuckles whilst laughing with ghoulish glee. This, he knew, was an auspicious day. Unsuspecting Final Fantasy fans would soon suffer through more than forty hours of unpalatable bilge. This gave the Lord of Darkness reason for celebration. Yet, even he did not know the fullness of Final Fantasy X‘s terrible nature. Now, years later, we seek to relive those painful experiences as expiation for our sins. So, join us, readers, as we undergo the horrendous, grinding, awful, merciless purgatory that is Final Fantasy X.
In this, the final, we will be focusing on completing the game. Post your comments on the ridiculous storyline, the dated graphics, the lacklustre soundtrack, the solid battle system, and the utterly abysmal voice acting. Is the script totally crap? (Yes.) Is the internal coherence wholly absent? (Yes.) Is the game a fetid waste of time–a miserable excuse for a budget expenditure which never should have been? (Yes.) You be the judge–as long as your judgement complies with our own unbiased, objective view of this rank turd of a game.
Four weeks of unskippable cutscenes. Four weeks of a spastic main character who has a combination of Tourette’s, Alzheimer’s, and Schizophrenia. Four weeks of stilted voice acting. Four weeks of stiffly-moving models with soulless eyes wildly gesticulating. Four weeks of long, theatrical pauses punctuated by frequent, jarring, bizzarely-located, hyperactive camera angle changes. Four weeks of nonsensical plot. Four weeks of pseudo-philosophical, pseudo-emotional, pseudo-important piffle. Four weeks of Final Fantasy X.
Week 1: Reach Guadosalam
Week 2: Reach Home
Week 3: Reach the Calm Lands
Week 4: Finish the Game!
Tidus: Listen to my story. This… may be our last chance.
It is a tale told by an idiot; full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.