MAP Episode 92: Bigger in Texas

'When I think of you, I cut myself.'
Our Texan Correspondant & Girlfriend, High School Senior Year Photograph

Download Link: Produced 2010.11.21

Lane joins Ginia and SiliconNooB to prove that everything is bigger (and more emo) in Texas, much to Caspius’s delight. The panel discusses the history of the middle east; Final Fantasy XIV Watch continues unabated; and we learn that Kotick wants YOU!


  1. @Caspius Your face is just a theory! NOVA told me that *some* dinosaurs evolved into birds… PBS, much like the internet, never lies!

  2. -Ginia is adorable! …

    – Is Caspius being a tsundere or something? A few podcasts ago he called the announcement of Let Us Cling Together the biggest news of the week and now he’s hating on it? If he was an anime character he would be voiced by Rie Kugimiya.

    – I’m not offended yet… wait… yeah, the things about killing baby seals was kinda evil… I don’t care about you insulting humans at all though.

    – Lane playing Phoenix Wright would be pretty awesome actually, specially if he does it when he’s court.

    – I didnt skip the spoilers for Assasin’s Creed even though I may play it someday, but… isn’t that plot just straight out of scientology or something? I swear I remember Tom Cruise babbling about something like that.

  3. Closer to the Raelians than Scientology, although there have been theories that aliens are the progenitors of human life since the 19th century. L Ron is Johnny come lately to that party.

    But the way AC weaves that story (and the story of the artifacts of Those Who Came Before) in to actual history creates a compelling narrative. We must suspend disbelief to engage in the fantasy, though not by much.

  4. A version of Caspius voiced by Rie Kugimiya would be awesome, but I’m not sure the site can handle another tsundere.

    I suppose I should listen to this episode sometime so I can comment on it.

  5. Ginia is adorable.

    I want to devolve a bird back into a dinosaur…

    Phoenix Wright is ok, I thought it’d be better.

    Ps – I am never posting from my ipod again, this is dumb

  6. -Ginia is adorable.

    -I’m enjoying Phoenix Wright, what were you expecting from it?

    -Trying to imagine Lane Playing Phoenix Wright has me picturing him intermittently shouting “OBJECTION” every time some detail is not factually accurate.

    -Posting from iPod is dumb.

    -Caspius should totally be voiced by Rie Kugimiya.

  7. Here’s an odd factoid: when I do object, I sound more like the Hyperchicken. I drawl out, “Objection, your honor,” then I look at the jury to make my argument.

  8. Ginia is not adorable.

    Ejaculation, your honour! May I please be excused?

    Writing entire posts from your iPhone is a sign of GREAT DEDICATION.

    I should be writing research, not writing this comment.

  9. – I don’t believe in Ginia. She’s just another myth put forward by the enemies of The Great Potato!

    – @Lane: I heard A:B’s story has a bit more of a focus on Desmond, which kind of intrigues me a bit, since I want to get to modern-day templar smashing! Can you confirm/deny this based on what you’re played?

    – Also @Lane: If your secret game is SW:ToR, I will be more interested than Oliver Montok at a nascar match (game? tournament? How do you measure nascar contests?)

    – Killing frat boys and 13-year-olds on XBL in Halo is one of the most satisfying things you can do while keeping all your clothes on.

    – @Ginia: Posting extended comments from an iPod is a terrible experience. Phone-sized touch keyboards just weren’t designed with long responses in mind.

  10. DG, my grandmother is ill. I will not be playing Brotherhood this week.

    Also, super secret mmo is not TOR.

  11. @Lane: Sorry to hear about your grandmother, hope she gets better soon! In the mean time, have fun playing World of Fablecraft (we’ll keep guessing! Give us some sort of hint if we’re correct!)


    Oh wait, can I not play?

    Seriously, I’m not going to tell you, but there are only a few MMOs out there in closed beta. You should be able to guess, and get girlishly excited… except I think I’m the only one that plays MMOs so…

  13. I suppose the question then is how for’s staff and readers to offend Caspius.

    Dammit Ginia, between describing his taste and his jiggle, I want to stab you and Caspius both. You are not adorable, you are an evil evil bitch.

    Sorry Lane, you must’ve forgotten in the many months since your last time on the podcast that the site’s attention span has long since gone the same place as its dignity and quality. Welcome back to hell! :D

    I am still terrified by the fact that my drive to Michigan involving passing through Detroit and there was an exit for “Mexicanville.” People in Michigan are racist fuckers….and now we understand Caspius’s condition just a little more.

    By sending my ‘reckons’ to you, are we still referring to me sending Lane a picture of my penis to coax him out of his non-disclosure agreement?

  14. “I suppose the question then is how for’s staff and readers to offend Caspius.”

    -I’m sure we do that already each and every day, in every single way.

  15. I make disparaging comments about otaku and weeaboo (weeaboos? weeaabii?) that are really just veiled threats against anyone that likes FF7.

  16. Final Fantasy VII is only the finest RPG ever made, so I can understand how people might not like it. The fact is, most people are too stupid to live. It’s amazing that they manage to do so every day, and a sure and certain sign of God’s charity towards humanity.

  17. Also, the incomparable William Butler Yeats’ “These Are the Clouds:”

    THESE are the clouds about the fallen sun,
    The majesty that shuts his burning eye;
    The weak lay hand on what the strong has done,
    Till that be tumbled that was lifted high
    And discord follow upon unison,
    And all things at one common level lie.
    And therefore, friend, if your great race were run
    And these things came, so much the more thereby
    Have you made greatness your companion,
    Although it be for children that you sigh:
    These are the clouds about the fallen sun,
    The majesty that shuts his burning eye.

    Don’t hate me cuz I’m literate. An’ shit.

  18. You don’t like Keats, you don’t like Yeats, you don’t like Eliot…

    You’re a Pound man. Now it all makes sense.

  19. It is an insult to literature to call emo lyrics “poetry.” Shakespeare wrote poetry. Keats wrote poetry. Dashboard Confessional writes shit to make teen girls disrobe. It’s crass.

  20. Virtually nothing written after 1700 is worth reading. This rule increases in strength for every succeeding century up to the present, when it is perfectly obvious to declaim that not only has nothing good been written since 2000, but it is probably now impossible for anything good to be written. Most people cannot even write, let alone write well.

    Irish poetry is ridiculous; almost as ridiculous as Irish drama and Irish novels. (James Joyce can suck a white, English dick.) Of the unholy Irish Lit. trinity, I suppose poetry is the least offensive.

    Read some Donne. It will make you a better person.

  21. Anyone with even the most moderate interest in JRPGs would be well advised to pick up Arc the Lad II.

  22. I’m from South Carolina, fuckers. my name is pronounced My-Kell.

    and yes watermelon and fried chicken are delicious.

  23. lusi – dude, we can’t be friends. do you you hate sweet tea too, you monster?

  24. @Breaka: Of course I hate Sweet Tea. It is an abomination and a sin against tea. Iced tea must be served plain, cold, with ice, no straw, in a tall GLASS, preferably with a slice of lemon.


  25. I got agree with Breaka here, Lusi, your unsweetened tea (straw optional) can go die in a sugarless fire.

  26. People of refined tastes drink tea for the tea, not the sugar.

    Incidentally, may I interest you in a cup of sugar?

  27. Popycock! Everybody knows people of refined tastes drink Mountain Dew, the most x-treme beverage known to man!

  28. Acceptable drinks:

    Diet Dr. Pepper / Dublin Dr. Pepper
    SWEET iced tea
    Tom Collins

  29. Also acceptable: going to a soda fountain and filling a cup with a little of everything.

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